Are You Playing Games?

What is "Game"? Are you in the game? Is the game playing you?

I met a cute girl recently who took the time to check out my blog. She had some interesting comments to share about her experience with "game", and I wanted to share them with you all. (Remember, this is coming from a woman who has never seen a workshop or never heard about any of this. It's just her experience, being a single woman).

She writes...

For some reason, my single friends, though moreso my single male friends, are obsessed with getting "game," having quality "game," getting tips on "game" - the whole bit. I haven't had these conversations for ages, having been out of the "game" for a bit. but some lessons you don't forget.

Here are basics that everyone should know about "game." "game" has never been, and will never be about, love. "game" is rarely even about attraction or sex. i truly believe that anyone who thinks that "game" is about any of these things is fooling him/herself.

"Game" is an exercise that one goes through in one's own maturation. "game" is generally
(1) a reaction to a broken heart - where you're ultimately trying to (a) prove yourself so strong and attractive to others to compensate for your own vulnerability, in other words a power play or (b) take revenge on others for your own pain,
(2) an attempt to compensate for your own self-doubt regarding your attractiveness to the opposite (or same as the case may be) gender, again proving to yourself that you are attractive or
(3) trying to make yourself "the man/woman" for social reasons (or to comply with what you think is the social norm), again usually related to (2) - trying to compensate for your own insecurities. there are other reasons out there - everyone's different - but these are the big ones that come to mind.

Singles romanticize the concept of "game" - they feel like having more of it will somehow bring them happiness. "game" brings with it a frenetic excitement, happiness that is fleeting. it takes a short time (though longer for some) to realize that that happiness is empty. what you actually get over the long run, and only if you're lucky, is a coming to terms with your own demons, comfort with who you are, where you fit in the world. if you're unlucky, you get cynicism and lose your innocence. nothing is special or unique and life becomes boring. nothing is worth fighting for because ultimately, everything and everyone seems replaceable. and if you play for too long, you're programmed to reject real emotional intimacy - you know how to pretend, but pretending can only get you so far. and for some, it becomes so much a part of them, they cannot really ever settle down with a partner - if they tried, most would end up cheating anyway - they're far too used to the fast -paced lifestyle that's become interwoven in their being.

...So, Why is there such mystique around the concept of "game"? ... i'm not sure... maybe it's because people who don't have it like to romanticize it - like how people who aren't lawyers often romanticize being a lawyer because they don't understand how much it sucks. or maybe because most people have those demons and would like to work them out... and are so focused on them that they can't see the costs. or maybe it's... the allure of the highs, like the highs you get from a drug. after all, why do we all love vegas?

Awesome insights from a girl who's obviously seen her fair share of the singles scene.  I can only imagine what she has experienced to bring her to these conclusions.

What is funny is that for many years, I never even knew that things like this existed. I was so far out of the singles scene, that none of this even existed in my reality. You may feel the same, like an outsider to the world of "game" which she describes.

And, for some of you this may hit closer to home.  Maybe too close to home.  If any of the above sounds like you, it may be time to re-evaluate: why are you in this? What do you really want?

What we need is some solid advice, and some solid guidance. Unfortunately, while plenty of people have found ways to "hate the game," there seem to be few good solutions available.  That means many guys may end up with loneliness, frustration, and eventually settling for second best. Yikes! We certainly don't want that either!

So, what is the solution? Well, that is what we are trying to provide with PickUp 101. That is why wedo what we do. And after DVDs, seminars, workshops, coaching... it turns out there is quite a bit to it.

For a really simple start, I want to take my friends insights and use them as a foundation for a better solution.

Let me try to summarize:

(1) Heal a Broken Heart.
The end of a relationship can be an intensely powerful experience. Instead of trying to react to that intensity or run from it, figure out how you can use it to inspire you forward into the future. Often, this can be the best motivation for improving yourself and your ability to create and maintain relationships (when used in a positive light). Turn the intensity back on yourself to see how you can grow and learn from the experience.

(2) Conquer Your Self-Doubt
One of the best things about women and relationships is that they really challenge us to be truly confident. Ultimately, confidence can not be faked. You must face the demons and come out the other side stronger.

One of the most powerful exercises for me has been to actually tackle these demons head on by asking difficult questions like: "At my very core, in my heart... Am I creepy? Am I ugly? Am I unworthy?" etc... etc... over and over. And, every time, I answer confidently "No." And, again "No"... No, there is nothing wrong with me, or anyone.  That is just absurd.

Those beliefs are not me, and the time comes to just let them go.

(3) Be The Man You Were Born To Be.
Instead of trying to act like "the man" or prove to others that you are "the man"... Just BE a man. Of course, this is a long process. This is life. The process of fully living life as a man. This is ultimately why I teach this stuff, and why I study it myself.

This goes beyond getting beautiful women, or even money, fame or anything like that. It's about knowing that you are here living your purpose in life. Knowing that you are the master of your domain. What could be more satisfying than that?

Real Game
This is the real game of life. This is the game of becoming the best "you" possible.

When you go out and meet women, whether at a bar or at the bookstore, remember what it's really all about. A night out making progress in the three areas above will be thousands of times more powerful to your "game" than any cool pickup line or tactic. Even if you don't bring a woman home, even if you don't even talk to any women... If you sincerely take even the smallest step toward healing yourself and becoming the man you want to be, then it is a huge success!