Grattitude for My Mentors

Recently, I've had people ask me about my own history and how I got into all of this. I've written many posts along the way, but I've never summarized it all in one place. So, step on the time machine with me as we go back through the last four years of my life. It all started January 2004...

I have always been a huge supporter of the pickup community (even through the many times when my friends may not have agreed). I LOVE the fact that men are helping other men to improve their lives. I LOVE the men's culture and the sheer fact that shy guys, nice guys, awkward guys, and all sorts of men are taking action to go after what they want.

My introduction to it all was a David DeAngelo newsletter (which somehow ended up on my computer). It changed my life. Within 2 months, my entire paradigm on women and dating had done a 180. I saw everything in a completely new way, and I felt liberated to begin making up for a lot of lost time.

I then tried out Ross Jeffries' Speed Seduction and began actually applying the techniques with real women. I creeped out a bunch of those women, and I had fun with some others.  I'm grateful for their patience with me.  It was a huge time of personal transformation, and although I wasn't having sex with any of them, I was really inspired, and my confidence began to improve dramatically.

Then, I found a website called fastseduction.com. This was the next big shift. On this discussion forum, the community put emphasis on: "Field Work, Field Work, Field Work." That is, theory wasn't nearly as important as being in the real world, talking to real women!  Some of the posts from a member named TylerDurden were the most inspiring to actually get me out where the women are.

I started reading through the Maniac_High and Tokyo_PUA archives (as they were living in Japan and I was living in Korea at the time). I plowed through those old posts (many of which were inspired by and extensions of Speed Seduction), and continued to find DRAMATIC improvements in my relating with women, my confidence, and my life in general.

I also continued to skim through posts by Juggler, Gunwitch, TylerDurden, MrNYC4U, Toecutter and some of the other fastseduction posters. ALL of which I loved. I ATE it up.

That discussion board may sound creepy to outsiders of the community, but for me, it gave me a new perspective, solid support, and best of all it was free.

When I started really applying the "Field Work" mentality, I started seeing results.  It should be obvious... the work you do to challenge your comfort zone with real life encounters will be the best learning experiences.

Up to this point, I hadn't had sex in a year and a half.  Then, within 5 weeks I was dating 6 women!

Who's In Your Tribe?

I've always enjoyed taking a look at social dynamics from a tribal point of view. 6.6 Billion People on one planet. One really big tribe?

I walk into a bar. Who are these people? Who are they sitting in their little groups, drinking their spirits, claiming their territory?

Is it a tribal gathering at the local watering hole? In fact, it often seems much different.

I remember when I first stepped foot into a bar, it looked much different. It looked like one big tribe that I wasn't a part of. I saw it as one group of people, and I was outside of it. There were the tribal leaders who looked intimidating, the hot fertile women of the tribe (who also looked intimidating), and a certain culture of the tribe - which I didn't understand.

As I grew more comfortable and really began to look around, I saw it differently again. I began to see a meeting of the tribes. Each tribe stakes territory in one area of the bar. Sometimes a tribe will find out that they know someone from another tribe, and the two will merge together. Sometimes the leader of one tribe will fight the leader of another.

And, then there were the rebels. The ones who look beyond the tribal boundaries and would talk to anyone. Daring and bold, they sought out to merge the tribes (or maybe simply to steal women from the tribe of another)

But, I continued to grow, and I moved past even this. In fact, I ended up in much the same place as where I started. I began to see it once again as a single tribe.

Letting Go - Earth, Air, Fire, Water

Our Ancestors knew what it took to grow and change and transform yourself in the world. In fact, self transformation is as old as the Pheonix who flew into the Sun. All they had to do was look around to see how nature changed with the cycles of life. Transformation was accepted as part of being alive.

A few days ago, I got together with some friends for an old ritual at Ocean Beach. It was time for letting go and moving on.

Four of us met at the cold windy parking lot of Ocean Beach, each with something that we wanted to let go of in our life. The only rule was that if you were going to show up - you had to participate.

My First DJ Gig!

You may remember a while back, I put up a post about our new turntables.

Well, I knew nothing about DJ-ing at the time. And, in just about 6 months, I'm now a professional DJ *pat on back*.

Yes, I got my first gig. I was nervous like a little school girl. The truth is that I actually don't know anything about DJing, I just like music a lot and I like playing it. I wasn't the best ever, but I had a lot of fun, and everyone seemed to like it. They were dancing and smiling and complimenting me. And, the woman who set it up asked me to do it again sometime. Sweet!

What was the coolest thing though is how I didn't even have to work at it to get a gig. In fact, I didn't even want to do it. But, it fell in my lap.When a friend of a  friend asked for a DJ suggestion, it came around to me.

Tale of Romance - He Said / She Said

Here's a spicy story from last March. Alexandra and I wrote it together about a week after meeting, but I've been waiting to post it. Finally, here it is...

DANIEL:
Ever since Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, it’s been every man’s dream of finding romance in Seattle (ok, well maybe kinda). But when I signed up to lead the Art of Rapport Workshop there, I certainly hoped to give that fiction tale a run for its money. I aimed to create some non-fiction adventures of my own.

As the workshop approached, everything fell into place. Instructors, Workshop participants, hotel rooms, and yes… Supergirls. There was one girl in particular who was planning to sit through the entire workshop. She was so amazed by what we do and how we do it, that she wanted to actually observe the entire process. When she asked to attend, it sounded cool, so I sent her the info. But soon after our email exchange, I promptly forgot that we’d even invited her.

ALEXANDRA:
Thursday night: I was very stressed. My boyfriend of a year and a half tells me that if I attend the Pickup 101 Art Of Rapport class over the weekend, our relationship is OVER! He was begging me not to go. Strange premonition on his part? It shows - don’t focus on things that you don’t want to happen. But here is the truth. This on and off relationship had been on shaky ground for a long time, and it was time for me to move on. I stood there in front of him and thought about it... pickup class or boyfriend? Without hesitation I said, “Sorry, I have too much of life to live and this is something I can’t miss.” I had helped out at the Seattle Art of Attraction a few months earlier, and my desire to go back for a second time was so strong that nothing could have stopped me. The classes are too cool! No turning back now.

Getting Girls at the Library - Sexy and Smart!

If you like smart ladies, I want to tell you how to master one of the toughest, but most fruitful environments for meeting nerdy girls.  For me, there's nothing quite like the downtown San Francisco Public Library. A three-story building full of brilliantly literate hotties. Well, usually there's only one or two hotties in the whole place, but I'm not trying to be greedy here. And... did I mention? They're probably smart.

So, whenever I find myself in the City Hall area, I stop by the Library, and this day was no different.

I walk in.

1st floor - nothing

2nd floor - hmm.... a couple of 18 yr olds. No, no... too young.

Going up the stairs to floor 3 - yes. There she is.

One Taste Of The Devine (Video)

Here's the latest video from our Project San Francisco Meetings With Masters series. I was in Australia, so I missed it. But, as soon as I got home, I watched the tapes and it was very cool. These women tell it like it is.

I think a lot of the impact was lost in the tapes, as the best thing these women would do is just be totally blunt (and almost bitchy) and call guys out on their bullshit.

I chose this clip because it was one of the few clips where they were speaking normal talk instead of with their own lingo. Personally, I love words and I love creative use of language, but I also like easy smooth natural communication.

Anyway, they give some blunt advice here about the woman's perspective. In fact, it's advice that we've all heard before, but it's always nice to hear it coming from a woman.

The first part is about persistence. The value of this can't be denied. Women love it when you don't give up.

The second part is about how women like a guy who has other women in his life. So start here and now with whatever woman you talk to next. And, build from there.

Enjoy the clip

Talking With Your Body

I'm supposed to give a talk later today to the Melbourne Lair. They asked me to talk about Body Language - it's the hot topic.

So, what is it about Body Language that seems so powerful, yet so strangly hard to get. Well, for a start, there's the obvious challenge of trying to write or talk about Body Language. It really must be seen and felt to be understood.

And, there's also the fact that Body Language rarely has direct and obvious results. (I've never heard a girl say to a guy "you're body language was just so awesome! I had to date you!") While, on the other hand, I have heard women say "There's just something about the way he walked into the room."

They notice. Women notice your body language. But, they don't know what or why. And, before I started working with our supergirls, I had never heard things like "well, when he moves his shoulders like that, he actually looks sexier."

But, it's true. Women are 100% in tune with your body language. What does your body say? What is it communicating? Is it dripping sexuality? or is it hiding and shrinking away? or is it pretending to be something that it's not?

Although it's a subtle and mysterious art. Everyone can improve. In our workshops, we see instant and dramatic improvement. And, when guys do make changes, all of a sudden there's "just something about them". And, they walk through the world in a new way.

Give A Compliment Today!

Here's a new mission for you. I just gave it to one of my students yesterday in The Art Of Rapport.

One Sincere Compliment Every Day.

It's that simple. All you have to do is appreciate the good things in your life, and when you see something you like... give it a little recognition.

Nice Sunglasses

Great Smile!

You're cute...

It's funny how difficult it is for guys to give a 100% sincere compliment. No bullshit, no need for approval, no need for anything in return.

And, I'm not talking hot girls, either. I don't care who you talk to. Do it to your sister, your boss, your best friend. Just take a second to appreciate something that makes you happy, and give a compliment!

Tale Of Travels: Welcome To Melbourne

I just arrived in Melbourne after 36 hours of traveling on bus, airplane, and shuttles. But, just as luck would have it, a cute Japanese girl happened to be on my last shuttle into town. Yes, she was very cute. I was happy.

We talked on the bus, and then I invited her to join me for a cup of coffee before she left for the next town where she was staying. She agreed, so we dropped all our stuff off at my hotel room and then went for a drink.

I got a delicious iced coffee with a scoop of Vanilla gelato mixed dropped in. Yummm!

Then, we took some pictures and played around by the waterfront. She seemed very comfortable with my touch, and being close to me. Then, when I went to hold her hand, she kinda freaked, like it was so un-japanese. But, I just played along and made it a sort of game. Eventually, we were holding hands like boyfriend girlfriend.

Then, we walked to a park and sat in the shade (it's freekin' hot here). We rolled around in the grass and did some acro-yoga. Stretch it out.

Then, I brought her in close and went for a kiss. Again, very un-japanese. She wasn't into it at first, but I insisted on pulling her in close again.

Then, we had the most erotic, playful experience of a first kiss. I put my forehead to hers, then kissed her on the cheek. Then, she kissed me on my mine. Then we rubbed noses, and then foreheads, and kept dancing around each other with our lips almost touching, but never actually kissing. It was hot. A total dance of sexual tension. Then, to finish it off, I went in quick and snuck a kiss, and then pulled way back.

Ohhh... it was getting fun now, because she pounced on top of me and pinned me on my back in the grass. And from that point, I could stare up at her big bright eyes with the leaves of the trees behind her head, and the sun peaking through the leaves just a little. She looked so fuckin' beautiful in that moment. Like a little Japanese angel. And in my contentment with that moment, she leaned in and kissed me too.

I had to stop and tell her how beautiful she looked in that moment. Yeah, I wanted to take a photo or do a painting or something.

We went back to my hotel room and played around a little more before I sent her on her way. She's only in town for a couple days, so I may not see her again. Don't know.

No matter what, it was a great welcome to Australia. And, oh yeah... there were a bunch of way hotties out there walking the streets and catching my eye. This adventure isn't done yet.

Tale Of Cuddles: Washington D.C.

You never choose when a sexy fun woman will walk into your life.

Last night I was walking back to the hotel with my boys after a nice dinner in Georgetown. It'd been a long weekend teaching The Art Of Rapport, and I needed nothing more than a good night's sleep.

But, there they were. Two cuties walking down the sidewalk behind us. And, when we all stopped at the crosswalk, I had no choice but to flirt.

I was in a group of 4 guys - two in front of the girls, two behind. So, I decided to play off of the situation.

"Are you part of our group?" I asked, with my sly little smile.
"No."
"Am I part of your group?"
(They smile)
"No."
"Well then, I guess we're strangers. It's nice to meet you."
(smiles all around)

And, we were off. Banter, fun, laughter, good times. Still walking down the snow covered sidewalk. With the cold night wind blowing, we walked fast too.

I suggest the nearby bar - a block from our hotel, and we all agree to visit the local watering hole.

Time passes, adventures ensue, and eventually we end up back at the hotel and fall asleep cuddling (just nice, warm, enjoyable cuddling). A perfect companion for a weary traveler.

What was most amazing, however, was that I was actually on my way home to write a blog post about synchronicity - and meeting the right people at the right time. (post coming soon). But, there she was. Two blocks from my hotel, at the right place and the right time.

Sometimes, it's just magical

Reality Check - Part One

When's the last time you really took a good look at your life and appreciated how far you've come?

It's been a long time? Well then, you're ready for a Reality Check!

During the last Art of Attraction, I was sitting up in front of the room, talking away like I always do. And, in the middle of my talk, it hit me. Look how far I've come! I go out there every weekend, and I talk to groups of guys as an Authority on women. We pack a room with 40 complete strangers, all waiting to hear me talk. And, I don't even think twice. Not a twinge of fear or anxiety.

What?! Let's take a step back for a second. In fact, let's go all the way back to my first concious attempt at public speaking. Thailand. 2003. One room. Seven Thai students. One observer watching my every move. - It was my first time teaching English.

Long before I got into pickup and meeting women, I knew that I had to change my ways. I knew that I had to step up and shatter my social fears.

Tale Of Connection: Sparkle Hat

Old Friends came crawling out of the woodwork last night, as I spent almost the whole night in conversation with people I randomly knew.

And, then as I was walking out the door and about to head home, I saw a cute Japanese girl with a sparkely hat doing sign language. I had to stop and investigate.

She taught me how to say "Beautiful" in sign language. (But, no she wasn't deaf). It all kept reminding me of the movie Babel (highly recommended).

Later on we were trading war stories, and I was telling her about my skateboarding days where I would fly downhill into cross traffic at over 20+ mph, just hoping that the cars would be timed just right.

She told me about riding a 2 person bicycle in Japan while wearing a school-girl miniskirt. And, she fell off the bike and not only was she bruised and scraped, but her skirt flew up and her panties were showing. Scary and sexy at the same time :)

There's something so great about sharing in near death stupidity.

We exchanged many warm hugs, and I was happy while talking with her. She's been living in the US for a few years, so she's just got the slightest hint of a Japanese accent. Very cute.

I invited her over for dinner next Tuesday, and that makes me happy too.

mmmmmm.... *sigh*

From Cold Approach To Reputation

I recently came across this question on the PickUp Lounge. It's a common question that I hear a lot. But something specific stood out to me this time:

"I was wondering if it was safe to make multiple cold approaches in an environment where you kind of belong as a member and where everybody will eventually get to know you to some degree?

I guess what I'm worried about is if I make several cold approaches and the words about my action get around the women members, I will probably be branded as a player and it may seriously damage my reputation."

---
Look, here's the unavoidable truth: You will get a reputation no matter what.

The question then is, what kind of reputation do you want?

Pop Your Cherry!

"The Japan Cherry Boys Association now claims a nationwide membership of 260, all of who have the stated aim of losing their virginity as quickly as possible. But what are they doing about achieving their goal?"


A PickUp friend and once student of mine lives in Tokyo and sent me this article from Japan. It seems too unimaginable to be true. But, then again, it is Japan.

Reading it, I almost spit milk out my nose when I read this bit:
"'First and foremost, we study. To make sure we have an anatomical background of women, we all draw pictures of female genitalia and critique them', Watanabe tells the women's weekly. 'We had one guy who just drew a straight line and said, 'I'm finished.' That's how little we all know. It's really pathetic.'"

My big question is how on earth a virgin man would ever think that hanging out with other virgins is going to help his pursuit? This article is a bizarre caricature of any kind of boy's club we'd have in America. But the honest truth is that the people we spend time with really do shape who we are and who we will become.

So, on a serious note, there is a real value in surrounding yourself with people who you learn from and admire. For a long time I've worked to create an environment that nurtures my success. I moved into Project San Francisco to be completely immmersed in a positive environment. And if you're not doing this too... if you're still hanging with the other virgins. Get off the computer now and go make some cooler friends!

In fact, I can't help but think about the early days of the "PickUp Community". The stuff written about in the book The Game. Blind leading the blind? Hopefully now as the study of dating and pickup becomes more mainstream, it will become more saturated with cool guys who actually understand and appreciate women. That's a club I'll happily join.

As for the Cherry Boys... bring 'em to me. I'll get those virgins laid once and for all, and the Cherry Boy club will disappear forever!

I Was Staring At Her Boobs

I met a girl with Great Boobs! Like, so great I even had to capitalize “Great” and “Boobs”. (not the photo on the left, perv.)

We were out tonight filming with the hidden camera. Another action packed night of pickup. And, I met this real cutie live in surround sound digital. The report is below, but…

** For Those of You In San Francisco **
I’m going to show this vid at our next PickUp 101 Intro Seminar in SF.
February 4th. This video will never be released to the public, for various reasons. You won’t see this on youtube. You won’t see it on your crazy file sharing thingy.
Sign Up Today To Watch The Video

Enough of the hype… what went down?

Re-Invent Your Sexy Self

A while back, a friend threw me an article by Niel Strauss and said "check it out". I met Neil, author of "The Game," when he was out here for a book signing. And, of course, I've heard stories from Lance and my other housemates at Project San Francisco. So, naturally, I was interested in his writing.

Turns out he'd written a piece on Madonna for Rolling Stone. Now, it's a little known secret, but I love Madonna. In fact, I'm coming out of the closet about it right now! Madonna kicks ass. I've even got her song "Hung Up" as the ringtone on my phone!

She kicks ass for many reasons, but one of the many is that for over 20 years she has continued to reinvent herself. Madonna has never gotten stale, and never gotten boring.

Now, I know that article is a bit old now. I missed the boat on that one. But, I've been thinking about it still. I've been thinking about identity, and how we really define ourselves.

Have you ever met someone with real charisma? Real personality?

Avoiding Questions and Changing the Subject

What?
You want me to write what?
Anyway, the other day I was riding my bike across San Francisco. You ever notice how the sun just shines so perfectly through the clouds? Just touching the biggest buildings....

Huh?

Oh yeah... ok fine. I'll answer your question.

Changing the subject and avoiding questions. One of the most fun and enjoyable activities (and oh so sneaky...) The master of conversation will no doubt use this skill quite frequently. And as a man, it's your job to direct a conversation. You decide where that river flows, so you're going to have to know how to change it's direction. We're talking about Jedi convo-skills here.

Of course, there's an infinite number of ways to change the subject. Jumping in front of a bus and getting squashed to a pulp would be one way. Or, the old fake injury might get the same results with a little less pain. Faking insanity might work too: "Mommy!!! Why Didn't You Love Me?!!!"

Let's take a look at one particular method which, when executed correctly, will never fail to bring a smile to your face and your inquisitor's. I'm talking about Banter! If you haven't checked it out already, the basics of banter are covered on the Playful Banter CD in PickUp 101's Surefire Attraction Secrets So, assuming you have the foundations down, we'll proceed.

Here's rule one:

Re: Whether to Drink, and What is cool?

Someone recently asked:
"How do you avoid playing drinking games or drinking in general in a playful way without killing the party vibe and still be seen as cool?
I also need some advice about how you guys would handle these types of situations, especially when the girls are trying to get you to drink and tell you about your sexual experiences. "

And, here's my reply:

Here is the truth of the matter...

People Drink to get something out of it. Drinking is not the goal in itself!

People drink to escape, or to have fun, or let loose, or be more confident, or to be more social, or to have an excuse to act stupid. That is what people want!

Think about it for a little bit, because when you understand that, you realize that this question is really irrelevant. Drink or not drink? It doesn't matter. The question is, why are people drinking, and how can you get there - alcohol is only one path. Often, a path for the unimaginative.

There are many ways to escape, have fun, let loose, be more social, etc...

If we take the specific example of your party. The girls clearly wanted you to let loose, have fun, and say something stupid and embarrasing. And they wanted to do the same. That's the point - not the drinking. Doing stupid stuff brings people closer together. And there are many ways for you to get to that destination.


So, I'm going to take a detour for a second and tell a little story.

I was just watching , Uta Hagen's Acting Class video series. (A very cool video by the way). One thing that she mentions is one mistake that many bad actors make. They are on stage doing an activity and they put too much importance on the activity, and not enough on the interaction of the characters.

Let's say the set is a kitchen with two actors fighting about money. While they fight, they wont be standing still. (No one ever just stands still.) But, instead they will be doing something like putting dishes away, or munching on an apple or fiddling with the tablecloth, or something.

And Actors make two mistakes. They either do nothing, and just look like robots delivering lines. Or they get too involved in the activity, so that washing dishes is more important than the fight about money.

Uta's suggestion is that you walk around a kitchen doing things, but none of it is important. You might pick up a dish and start to put it away and then start fighting and forget about it and put it down again. Or you might fold the table cloth 10 times.

Why? Because the activity isn't important. What's important is the interaction between the characters. And that's what I'm getting at here.

Why am I going off on such a tangent? Because this goes way beyond just drinking.

You know that you are creating amazing interactions when the activities fade away into the background. You know that you are really engaging someone when nothing else in the environment matters. THIS is what people want. They want to be swept away by another human being in a real human moment!

Imagine a conversation so good that she doesn't even remember that she's holding her drink. Imagine sitting down for dinner and two hours later, you realize that you still haven't touched your food. Imagine walking down the sidewalk and forgeting where you're going because you were so immersed in the experience.

Apply this to drinking or anything else. Imagine playing your drinking game and you pick up the glass to drink and then start telling a story, and everyone laughs and they are so swept away that everyone forgets you were going to drink. You can literally do this for hours. People don't care if you are drinking. The want to have fun, and be swept away.

Perhaps it is a girl waiting for a bus on the sidewalk. Her bus comes and you say "You should get on the bus. Actually, it reminds me of this time..." and you start into a story and she's engaged and all of a sudden her bus pulls away and she says "oh well, I'll catch the next one."

That is the power of charisma. You can literally get away with anything.


Here's another tip. The most confident people define what's cool. Nobody really knows what "cool" is. It's either what we decide it is, or what someone else decides it is. There's no objective "cool".

And, the younger someone is, the more easily influenced they are about what is "cool." A great example of this is the episode of South Park with Paris Hilton




Actually, watch that video ten times and then everytime your friends ask you to play drinking games, just think of Stupid Spoiled Whores and laugh. You decide what's cool. Make it up. It's your reality.

Best luck and drink or no drink... have fun.

-Daniel