Pickup is really like playing with fire, more than most people will admit. I don't know why, but there's something about the way sexuality fills the deepest holes inside of us that brings a lot of wounded people into relationship with each other. For the most part, it seems that sexual relationship is based on two people selfishly trying to get the other person to agree to give them a pleasurable experience. I'm not saying this as some puritanical judgement. I have no judgement. I'm saying this as someone who has sat hours of meditation feeling the deep pain of some of the people I've hurt during my years in pickup (and the pain I've caused myself). Karma ain't just some cool idea - it's real.
With that said, it should be assumed that pretty much every resource I recommend is sketchy in someway or another. None of them are remotely free from sketchiness. And, as such, they are intimately wrapped up with pain, and suffering. You may find many things in the world of pickup, but you will not find any lasting happiness. You will find new ways of controlling reality to temporarily satisfy your desires.
Ok... I am getting pretty intense, so let me be fair to the other perspective as well. The other perspective is that a big reason a lot of guys get into pickup is exactly because of deeply entrenched beliefs propagated by society about who men are and how they should act. These insane beliefs (basically stemming from the core belief that pickup is somehow "wrong") are an incredible detriment to our society and the individuals within it. In other words, there is a lot of suffering wrapped up in the inappropriate and unhelpful constructs of social rules. If your motivation is to free yourself from hindering beliefs, and find some liberation, there may be value for you here.
There are many paths to choose in life. If the process continues to unfold in a natural, synchronistic, and almost magical way... then thit probably is the path for you... for now. While on the other hand, if it feels forced, or you are being compelled by deep attachments, or you find yourself grasping for control ... then, dude... you may be looking in the wrong place.
So far, I must admit that it seems pretty synchronistic for you, since you were somehow lead into contact with me. Very auspicious. And, also that you came to me at a time when I felt particularly called to offer guidance.
So, that is my disclaimer. It's a long disclaimer, but I wouldn't want to see you wasting your time or your "precious human life" or causing more misery for yourself and others than what is necessary.
Speaking strictly from a PUA perspective, these are the resources I'd recommend:
PickUp 101 - this is where I worked as a coach. Foundational workshops and products that will really drill in the basics of being a naturally cool confident social and sexual man. Looking past the sketchiness, the simple methods of banter, opening, etc... are totally simplified and easy to apply. The instructors are all doing it for the love of the game, and care very much about their students.
David Deida - not a pickup resource, more about understanding women, etc. This is a more spiritually rooted resource that I'd recommend, though he also has his pitfalls for sure. Start with his book: The Way of The Superior Man (if you haven't read it already)
Authentic Man Program - These guys are in San Francisco and they have some good resources for relating to women. Their method of coaching is pretty interesting and often successful, however it involves what seems to be quite a bit of therapy, and most of them are not licensed or trained therapists. So, definitely enter at your own risk.
The online community - there are dozens of different forums, so I will not recommend any one in particular. Community is so important for having support and taking action. It is perhaps more important to have people supporting you than it is to have expert advice. Advice is only as good as it is applied, but support helps you keep going when you make the inevitable mistakes.
One more thing... If you're expecting to get over approach anxiety or fear with women, etc... Let me genuinely suggest the alternative of therapy - from a licensed psychotherapist or psychologist. None of the people I've listed above are qualified to work with you on deep rooted fears and anxieties. In fact, this is exactly what therapy is for. If you feel like you're a crazy fucker who just likes to do stupid shit and face your fears like a hungry bear... then you don't need a workshop or therapy... just go out there and fuckin' tear into it! (but expect to feel the pain too).
Most of all... just like meditation... you will learn TONS more from experience than from any teacher. I like the ratio offered by S.N. Goenka. He gives a 1 hour discourse for about 10 hours of sitting meditation. That's a 1:10 ratio of instruction to practice. I recommend the same for pickup. For every one hour of coaching you get or advice you read, go out and put in at least 10 hours of practice in a social environment. This doesn't mean 10 hours of non-stop approaches on women. Just 10 hours of being in a social environment, being out of your head, talking with people, and being aware of the "social dance." Talking with women about sex and dating is great practice, talking with other men who are good with women is great practice. But... Practice Practice Practice... this is the key to success!
With that said, it should be assumed that pretty much every resource I recommend is sketchy in someway or another. None of them are remotely free from sketchiness. And, as such, they are intimately wrapped up with pain, and suffering. You may find many things in the world of pickup, but you will not find any lasting happiness. You will find new ways of controlling reality to temporarily satisfy your desires.
Ok... I am getting pretty intense, so let me be fair to the other perspective as well. The other perspective is that a big reason a lot of guys get into pickup is exactly because of deeply entrenched beliefs propagated by society about who men are and how they should act. These insane beliefs (basically stemming from the core belief that pickup is somehow "wrong") are an incredible detriment to our society and the individuals within it. In other words, there is a lot of suffering wrapped up in the inappropriate and unhelpful constructs of social rules. If your motivation is to free yourself from hindering beliefs, and find some liberation, there may be value for you here.
There are many paths to choose in life. If the process continues to unfold in a natural, synchronistic, and almost magical way... then thit probably is the path for you... for now. While on the other hand, if it feels forced, or you are being compelled by deep attachments, or you find yourself grasping for control ... then, dude... you may be looking in the wrong place.
So far, I must admit that it seems pretty synchronistic for you, since you were somehow lead into contact with me. Very auspicious. And, also that you came to me at a time when I felt particularly called to offer guidance.
So, that is my disclaimer. It's a long disclaimer, but I wouldn't want to see you wasting your time or your "precious human life" or causing more misery for yourself and others than what is necessary.
Speaking strictly from a PUA perspective, these are the resources I'd recommend:
PickUp 101 - this is where I worked as a coach. Foundational workshops and products that will really drill in the basics of being a naturally cool confident social and sexual man. Looking past the sketchiness, the simple methods of banter, opening, etc... are totally simplified and easy to apply. The instructors are all doing it for the love of the game, and care very much about their students.
David Deida - not a pickup resource, more about understanding women, etc. This is a more spiritually rooted resource that I'd recommend, though he also has his pitfalls for sure. Start with his book: The Way of The Superior Man (if you haven't read it already)
Authentic Man Program - These guys are in San Francisco and they have some good resources for relating to women. Their method of coaching is pretty interesting and often successful, however it involves what seems to be quite a bit of therapy, and most of them are not licensed or trained therapists. So, definitely enter at your own risk.
The online community - there are dozens of different forums, so I will not recommend any one in particular. Community is so important for having support and taking action. It is perhaps more important to have people supporting you than it is to have expert advice. Advice is only as good as it is applied, but support helps you keep going when you make the inevitable mistakes.
One more thing... If you're expecting to get over approach anxiety or fear with women, etc... Let me genuinely suggest the alternative of therapy - from a licensed psychotherapist or psychologist. None of the people I've listed above are qualified to work with you on deep rooted fears and anxieties. In fact, this is exactly what therapy is for. If you feel like you're a crazy fucker who just likes to do stupid shit and face your fears like a hungry bear... then you don't need a workshop or therapy... just go out there and fuckin' tear into it! (but expect to feel the pain too).
Most of all... just like meditation... you will learn TONS more from experience than from any teacher. I like the ratio offered by S.N. Goenka. He gives a 1 hour discourse for about 10 hours of sitting meditation. That's a 1:10 ratio of instruction to practice. I recommend the same for pickup. For every one hour of coaching you get or advice you read, go out and put in at least 10 hours of practice in a social environment. This doesn't mean 10 hours of non-stop approaches on women. Just 10 hours of being in a social environment, being out of your head, talking with people, and being aware of the "social dance." Talking with women about sex and dating is great practice, talking with other men who are good with women is great practice. But... Practice Practice Practice... this is the key to success!
No comments:
Post a Comment