What if learning skills with women could be easy and fun all the time? What if everyday your game improved in ways that you could hardly even imagine? What if every time you talked to a girl, you absolutely knew that you were doing better than you'd ever done before? That's the way it should be, right? We all know that we deserve results and we deserve more satisfaction. So, the path to abundance should be an enjoyable one that simply and smoothly Flows.
Lately, one of my housemates is reading the book "Flow." I never have enough time to really read books for myself, but I really enjoy learning the material second hand. Almost everyday he'll read a little of the book and give me an update and his latest learnings. It's great to have friends like that in your life!
So, before I even went out today, I had a really good chat with my housemate about the book. And, I hit some great realizations about how and when my game improves and how it stagnates.
We all know what the flow state is. Those moments in life where time seems to stand still. Results come to you effortlessly and easily. And, you can actually feel that you're in exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
When we're in the flow state, everything works out better. We'll actually see hotter women. The women we talk to will be in better moods and more receptive to us. The women coming into our life will be more open to us, and they will come more often. We may not even know what we're doing to attract them. All we will know is that they are there. And, above all, it feels great!
So, how do we get in the flow? Well, just putting out the intention to find your flow is step one. If you simply go out sometime this week and stop thinking about openers... stop thinking about sex... stop thinking about rejection. Just think about one thing: getting into the flow. Well, if you can do that, you'll see instant results right there.
But what's more, the book talks about Skill vs. Challenge. To get into the flow, you must have the perfect balance between the two. The challenge must be appropriate for your skill level and the skill is appropriate for the challenge. Let's face it, overcoming your fears and limitations with women can be a HUGE challenge. So, this is an important concept to get.
If the challenge is to low - you get bored. If the challenge is to high - you get stressed out or frustrated.
The best example of this is Video games. You start on level one - the appropriate challenge level. But, once you complete it, you move to a slightly more difficult level. Always the levels keep you just challenged enough to be really fun, so you keep playing. And sometimes people even get addicted. (No joke)
I hear guys talk about getting bored sometimes, but for the most part guys are way on the other side - Frustrated as all hell.
Let's talk about bored for a quick second, and then we'll get to the meaty stuff. Like I said, I hear it from guys on occasion. What this means is that their skill level grew to the point where the past challenge was no longer appealing. It was no longer a challenge. So, that either means that they don't really have any more desires with women, and so there are no more challenges (in this case, find something new to pursue, like chess). Or, the more likely case: the next challenge seems too far of a leap that they don't even see it. They don't have the imagination to find a new and greater challenge to go after.
For me, I never run out of new challenges, and I'm rarely in the bored category. So, maybe that's another post for another time. The place where I find myself more often is the stressed out side, so let's look at that.
If you're feeling frustrated with your skills with women, the fact is that your challenge is too high for your skill level. It's like you're playing a video game at level 12 and you haven't even finished level 3. This is especially common in the early stages of improvement. We want results - like makeouts, sex, hotter chicks, etc. But, we want it all at once, instead of going one step at a time.
So, what's the solution?
Well, first it's important to realize what exactly the challenge is and what the skill is that's required. Start by being sure that, in fact, if you are stressed, your challenge is too high. Guaranteed. It's that simple. If you are stressed when you go out and talk to women, then you will get worse results every time, and you may even be hurting your game.
Not knowing your challenge is one of the biggest pitfalls. Here's a little example: You dated a super hot girl before, she was gorgeous, successful and everything was great. However, let's say you met her through work. And now, you want to date girls equally as hot, but you want to meet them through cold approaches and have the same incredible relationships. That's a big step up in challenge level. And a possible source of stress.
The problem lies in the fact that the results look the same. You dated a hot girl before, you will date another hot girl after this challenge. So, at first glance, you may overlook the added stress. Simply noticing that the challenge is too high is the best first step.
Right now, you may be at level 12 in the date hot girls game. But, in the cold approach game, you're at level 1. Time to take a step back and set the appropriate challenge.
Start at level 1 with cold approaches. What is level one? Say Hi to everyone. Just say hello to people. If you want, just say hello to the friendly looking people. Don't overdo it. You may want to be ambitious, but you must remember:
The point isn't to reach a high challenge level. The point is to get into the flow!
If you get in the flow, everything will work better. And your game will skyrocket like never before.
Soon, you'll be on level two: doing approaches on all sorts of girls. And, on and on, as the challenge increases.
Eventually, you'll be approaching super hot women. And, right there is means to celebrate.
You're now at level 10 of cold approaches. Once, you feel completely comfortable with that, you can now challenge yourself to the next step and the next, until eventually you're dating really high caliber women that you met as complete strangers.
At least, that is one example. Your situation may be quite different - or even the opposite scenario. Maybe you don't even care about cold approaches. Maybe you want something completely different.
The point is to find your challenge and then, break it down incrementally until you get to a place where the challenge itself is really fun. The challenge is fun because it's just out of your reach, but still attainable. You know that the challenge is right, because you'll be in the flow.
Now, of course, we're not talking about video games here. A woman is a real human being and not a computer. And, the purpose is never to treat a woman like a game instead of a person. In fact, quite the opposite. The purpose is flow. The purpose is being in that perfect state where you are aligned with your mission and she feels it. When you're in that state, you can bring more of yourself to her. You will be more joyful and satisfied in your own life. You will be more able to satisfy her, as well.
If you want to really know more about this, I recommend you check out the book. Otherwise, you can just get out there and find that perfect balance. Get into your own flow, and feel how good it feels!
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