From Cold Approach To Reputation

I recently came across this question on the PickUp Lounge. It's a common question that I hear a lot. But something specific stood out to me this time:

"I was wondering if it was safe to make multiple cold approaches in an environment where you kind of belong as a member and where everybody will eventually get to know you to some degree?

I guess what I'm worried about is if I make several cold approaches and the words about my action get around the women members, I will probably be branded as a player and it may seriously damage my reputation."

---
Look, here's the unavoidable truth: You will get a reputation no matter what.

The question then is, what kind of reputation do you want?


Do you want to be the guy who never talks to anyone? Do you want to be the guy who keeps to himself? Do you even want to be "the guy who really fits in so well"?

And, what is a reputation really?

A reputation is a living changing thing. In a previous article, I talked about Madonna and her constant effort to keep people guessing about her. You create your identity each and every day of your life.

And the very worst thing you could do is nothing at all. You have little control over how people choose to judge you. But, you certainly can't create or change or manage the impact you have on others if you're making no impact at all.

There's so very few people in the world who truely are themselves, so few people who really have a strong personality. And why do we hide ourselves? Because we're worried about our "reputation."

So, I'll ask you this. What if everyone thought you were a player? What if everyone thought you were sleazing on girls? What's the worst that could happen? Well, no matter what, at least you'd know that you went after what you wanted.

My buddy Niels was dating a girl who I happened to hit on. She was out with her friends and I was out warming up and happened to talk with her. She went back to him complaining about how "creepy" I was. (Ok, the mojo wasn't there that evening, no big deal.)

Time passed and just recently I met her again. What did she say about me? "He wasn't creepy anymore."

This isn't rare. I've had this happen to me more times than I can count. In fact, I've got a really juicy story that I might share with you guys some other time. But, the point is that you can change your reputation just as quickly as it was created.

What it comes down to is this? Really, truely, are you a "player"? Are you "sleazy"? Are you "creepy"? I'm assuming the answer is "No." (If the answer's yes, then go please go sleaze somewhere else.)

No! You aren't some sleaze. You're a social fun guy who actually TALKS to people! If people don't get it, they just don't get it. Let them live in their delusions.

And what's more is the word player. Let's look at it. It's not all bad. Does being a player mean you use women? does it mean you'd fuck anything that moves? Does it mean you see women as nothing more than tits and ass? If so, then fuck that. That's not you anyway.

Does being a player mean you like sex? Does it mean you like women? Does it mean you like meeting women? Does it mean that maybe even you like women so much that you decided not to just settle for the first one that came along? If so, then fuck them. That IS who you are. And, the secret is that women really want a man who's willing to really own his sexual desires. This can only help your reputation.

My advice: Do your thing. Talk to the women (talk to the guys too, or else you're bordering on sleaze). Do your cold approaches, and you know what? You're being the cool social guy that every man wishes he was. You're being social! What could be more human?

Build your reputation as the guy who lives his life and doesn't care what people think. Build it as the guy who goes after what he wants. And enjoy the rewards.